ElCap Reports

ElCap Report Farewell Tour 10/6/2023
By Tom Evans

Yo… Splendid but warm weather is the order of the day here in the Valley.  There is lots of action up on the Big Stone and you have a front row seat, provided free by ElCapreport.com. Well, ahh,ugh.. let’s have a word from your sponsor here folks. Gas prices are high, food is high here, technical expenses are off the chart… so it just might be the time for a friendly reminder that all of this comes at great expense to “Old Tom” who would value highly your support via donations to the site thru PayPal. OK? Last time I will ask.. response in the past has been spotty at best but think about all the zillions of quality photos and commentary you gave gotten mostly for free all these years. Those who have stepped up in the past have a special place in my thoughts and I have appreciated your donations.  It is OK to donate… really it is, take a shot at it… you will feel much better about yourself and… I will too!
Today’s ElCap Report… Written just for you…Unique in all the World!

Ok Fans.. the first 5 are super shots you will flip out over… Yeah ...The Shield, party of three, French Guides from Chamonix.

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Only I know the light and shadows on ElCap like the back of my hand… only here do you get, these kind of shots. 

1)  Great lighting makes this kind of shot rule! Leader at the belay at the start of the still feared, Groove pitch.

2)  Yeah… Second man up has to jug the free hanging line in space all the way to the belay… imagine yourself on that line… holy shit!  Frog method.

3)  Oooops.. Houston we have a problem… Changed his mind in the middle of lowering out the bags… left his weed in the small bag… yikes!

4)  Now that you jugged miles of line, way off the deck… you gotta space haul those pigs out in the thin air of the Shield Headwall.. OMG!!

5)  After some rest at the hanging belay with your leg loops cutting off the circulation in your legs, you gotta…. Yeah… OMG… lead the Goove pitch… scene of horrendous plunges off the shittiest old mank on the Cap.. Cell phone…notify your next of kin!

6)  Or you could be on the Black Tower on Zodiac, where the slightest slip gets you impaled on the top of tower. Ask Scot Ring… Ooohh.. pucker power.

7)  Ok… take a breather bro… shadow dancing at the start of the White Circle on Zodiac… where you suddenly realize that the next 3 pitches overhang like the Harding Route on the Leaning Tower, all the way up. Notice the stinging sensation in your eyes from the sweat pouring off your brow in the blinding sun.

8)  Ok… because I am a nice guy, I am giving you a break here… Check out Ryan Laroche (pronounced LaRock) topping out on Zodiac as the finish to the Shortest Straw, after getting spanked on SS and the Coral Sea.  Tenacity, he has it in spades.  Way to get it done bro…

9)  Ok finally a no-hands rest… let Regan sweat for you as he starts out on the “delightful,” Bad Seed, with miles of shitty rock on features that will evaporate at the slightest touch…and of course if the boiler plate slab at the top of the Horse Tail Falls should once again break… you are toast bro! 

10)  The short pendulum around the corner at the crossroads is not a large one but the little pinnacle you swing to is only held on by bat droppings and is waiting to erase your pitiful existence should you shove a cam too far down its throat. You still have to do the traverse after that… Ha!

11)  The Trip has Wes Fisher and   Nate Vince on it, who later finished this, the 5th pitch, and removed the old rope hanging there from the Korean retreat last fall.  About time that thing was cleared. Thanks guys!

12)  Aahhh  Hole World… Kohl drilled more holes there than are in the Texas oil fields… not by choice but the features just didn’t develop as expected. The last crew I shot on it was one of the best… Richie and Ammon. Yeah.. we still grieve for those guys… irreplaceable. So now we see the Sultan of Spray and his young accomplice bulldozing their way up at a snails pace. Yep..Piton Pete and Luke Antonia are out west in the heat and grime charging up the A4 pitches … like Pete says… “attrition is the main tactic” and he is the master at the “long game.”  He posts photos and videos on Face Book daily.. and I gotta admit they are pretty entertaining. Do check them out.

13)  Lost in America has Joe Forrester and Jeremy Aslaksen cruising up it, and are seen here in the center of the route on a particularly friable section of rock that has caused a few hearts to skip a beat or two. They crushed the free pitch in minutes. Looking good guys!

14) Hudon and Richards escaped the Sea of Dreams with their lives and say they enjoyed the route!  Skot said that after his rather serious recent battle with debilitating cancer he had something to prove up there.  Well, the proof was visible for all to see as he waxed the infamous “Hook or Book” pitch with confidence and competence.  They met every pitch and feature with skill and determination and were soon back down on the deck for BQ at the Mt. Room Broiler!  Here we are in the meadow… two old timers and a still young Turk, begging for more.

In other news… more teams are out and about on the great cliff so stay tuned for further news about who, what, and where.
It is late as I finish this report and I need some sleep…

So, that’s the way it is, on this Friday the 6th day of October, 2023.

Capt. Tom … off to bed…