ElCap Reports

ElCap Report 9/7/07
 By Tom Evans
Yo... This is the last ElCap Report for a couple weeks when I will be returning. Nice day here but really smoky at days end. So get tied in and get ready because the Old Captain kicked butts and broke hearts all the day long. Nice to see the old man take charge and ruthlessly cull the weak and worried. It is going to be ugly so if you are faint of heart or a whiner by nature then read no further... So cover your ears, protect your eyes from the cold glare of the unflinching eye in the sky. Here it is for today, a day chalked up for the Captain, Today’s ElCap Report brought to you on the broken hearts and backs of a thousand bailers..

 Zodiac.. Nice things going on over on the upper east side of the big stone... Andy and friend bivied on Peanut ledge and were off the route by early afternoon... down below Charlie from Toulumne SAR got three fixed and Little Biscut Anna has joined forces with him and starting tomorrow on the route which should be a good workout for both of them.
NA Wall: As predicted Cam and Scott got off the climb last evening and slept on top.. they arrived down at the bridge this morning just in time for sandwiches, beer, much praise and conversation about their good showing on the old classic of the SE face... they looked fresh too!! Sweet!!
Tempest: Aaron is climbing like a well oiled machine and knocked off a few more pitches today in his cool and calculating style... a few more days left for the lad.
Mescalito: I caught Nevada Matt through my lens just as he was working the crux of the Bismarck off-width and he was not laughing and singing there I have to say... but after a time he got the job done with some high reaches and some fancy calf roping techniques. He cruised two more pitches by the time I was out of there. Nice day for him and only a couple more left... plus he scored the three gallons of water that were reportedly left there last week.. nice!!
DNR and Ivo Direct... both solo artists were seen on the ground today piddling around in old Chongo fashion avoiding making a solid commitment to the climbs they are planning ... having dinner tonight with the lads in hopes of shaming them into action. Well actually they are both psyched to go if only they can break away from matters earthly...
Nose: OMG... the horror of it... OH the humanity... the great route sneezed and blew three parties right off of it. It really started late yesterday when the party of three in the stovelegs had a long day of it and were late into darkness making Dolt tower, which also caused the party of two with Chuck and James to come in late too. By 10am the 3 were bailing from dolt but Chuck and James pressed on and up to ElCap Tower and then to the top of Texas. They sat there too long and then down they came like the rats leaving the Titanic. Another horror show was developing far below the two floundering teams. Oklahoma Tony and Joe were up on the route by 6am and cruised to Dolt in only 5.5 hours but sat there and had lunch for an entire hour... not a good sign. Then like Napoleon retreating from Moscow, they too were downward bound and as they were the first back to the bridge we greeted them with a barrage of empty cobra cans and various other items of trash and resounding boos!! Fortunately Lori, Tony's far better half was there and shielded her man from the brunt of the walk of shame. But after a short time and a few cobras everyone was in a far more jovial mood and a celebration of sorts was in order just in time for Winky, Ivo and Dave to show up and munch out on the goodies. Fortunately the big team of 4 Spanish climbers made camp 4 last night and were going above camp 5 when I left... there were persistent rumors however that in their wake was left a lot of trash, junk, and bottles strewn about the route.. not good. Scott Stowe and Con started up late in the day with a couple of clients of the YMS in tow for a climb of the route. EDIT : All joking aside...a member of the three person team on the nose, Kevin Steele, was injured on a pendulum yesterday and thus the team was under duress by afternoon.. fortunately they were able to make an orderly retreat and got down without incident... hope the injury is not too painful or of any lasting consequence...
Muir: Whoever the two man team was high on the route were polishing off the last pitch when I shot them in the morning.. nice climb that... As you know the park service has a climbing ranger to keep a rapport between NPS and climbers, you remember Link, who had done several ElCap routes... well it seems that they are continuing the tradition of communication but this time we have a "Bailing" ranger who can commiserate with the ElCap bailers ... yes.. after the "Core-shot" incident a couple of days ago on the Muir our man Jessie ran out of ammo and was thus forced to bail off the route and will now be a shoulder to cry on for all bailers at the Sunday coffee in camp 4. Be sure to go by and say hi to the lad but watch out for that bulge on his equipment belt!! Other parties on the Muir seem to be going in the wrong direction... more downward bound climbers over there... All three parties I saw over there yesterday seem to have vanished into the ether... OMG revenge is sweet for the salty old Captain!!! So all in all it was a brutal day for the humans and a day of smugness for the Captain and in perfect weather too... I can smell it now!!
In other news we posers at the bridge had a nice day just hanging out and lounging like the bridge rats that we are... tomorrow I will be around for a few hours and then off to SoCal for a week, so this is the last report for a while. While I am gone I have left orders to all climbers to suck it up and get with the program... no excuses will be accepted... there will be hell to pay if I return to find bailers outnumbering climbers. So get with it, that's an order... I am putting the Mariposa High School Band on retainer once again to be ready at a moments notice to play the "Walk of Shame" for all those humbled by the Captain... don't let it happen to you.
So that's the way it is for this day Sept. 7 2007 reporting amidst the carnage and horror from the ElCap bridge this is Tom Evans signing off....