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May 2008

El Cap Report 05/31/08

Yo.. Ok you made it to the Report, so now all you have to do is read it and figure out what is really going on. I will attempt to derail you with typos, bad grammar, poor spelling, and references to "insiders and local situations". If you understand everything they you can consider yourself a "local".

El Cap Report 05/30/08

Yo.. worker rats on the treadmill of consumerism... you missed another good one here in the Ditch. Sunny skies, cool temps, mild breezes here at the bridge. Up on the Big Stone the climbers were raging! All the way from the East Butt to Lurking Fear the routes are filling up... we counted 18 parties we could see and that didn't include anything "out West". So it takes a man at the scene who knows the rock and what is important on each route, and not some wantabe bridge rat who gets all his dope from the shuttlebus driver who talked to the bus boy in the cafe after he overheard a cafe rat after a Joint Chiefs of Staff meeting at the Office. You have come to the home of information and misinformation.

El Cap Report 05/29/08

ElCap Report 5/29/08
By Tom Evans

Yo... yeah that's right... the weather has broken for the better and they say for 10 days no less. So as you can imagine there was a rush to the base of the Cap and fistfights broke out on Sickle Ledge for position in line. Beautiful, cool, sunny weather with a nice breeze to sway the tall pines. Had a good time at the bridge today as some of the regulars hung out and a few "new" regulars too. Today’s report is brought to you by the cute young hottie who asked if she could look through my camera after I had told some other Tourons it was off limits.... "of course my dear, what would you like to see?" I responded!

El Cap Report 05/28/08

Ok... poured buckets last night, washing out the dreams and aspirations of many a climbing team. Still unstable weather in the Valley of Light. In spite of all the rain several teams hit the wall climbing and are continuing in the rain. The SE Face is seeing all the action at the moment. Around 2 pm today a big cell burst upon the ElCap area and the bridge rats blew out of here like shit from a goose. So be warned... if you have plans then make adjustments... be sure to bring some bubble bath, rubber duckies, and a shower cap cause you will need them. Today’s report is brought to you by the three doctors from Phoenix who were surfed off the free blast on pitch three this afternoon and stopped by the bridge to seek and give advice.

El Cap Report 05/27/08

Yo.. still the weather threatens here in the valley. Some teams are just going up anyway, especially those on the SE Face of the Captain. I know you have heard various reports of things going on ... the Cap generates a lot of talk and some of it is not quite accurate. So what do you do to find the real dope on all the dopes on the wall? That’s right pukes, you wait for the ElCap report so you can get the real stuff, not second hand information from some puff daddy cafe rat.
So here it is right to you straight from the end of the short haul line hanging from the Chopper on today’s Salathe rescue.
Today’s ElCap Report, up to the minute, right now... for you..

El Cap Report 05/26/08

Ok.. I'm back. Was gone a couple days when my girlfriend Mara, Queen of the Bridge, suffered a heart attack. Fortunately there was no real damage done and we went to Modesto to get her about 12,000 tests. Most were good and not to worry.. the grill has its commander back today!
Still wet weather here and the rats have swarmed inside to the warmth and protection of the Cafe, where much leering at attractive members of the opposite sex was taking place along with a healthy dose of slander directed toward all not present and some that were. I managed to extricate myself and head for the bridge before things got too physical between James and Lucho who were fighting over a swooped half eaten piece of toast.

El Cap Report 05/24/08

ElCap Report 5/24/08
By Tom Evans

Man the life boats!! Screw the women and children, its every man for himself!! Total rain soaking here today.. low clouds.. every one is holding up in the Cafe. I expect some of my more creative “cafe rats” to write a ElCafe report from there sometime today. Fortunately he wall emptied out yesterday with several top-outs and fixers delaying the start of new projects. I didn't go down to the Captain as I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to see it anyway as the clouds are just off the deck here today. Lee and Ben Cossey would be working in the White Circle on their quest to do the Free Zodiac route. This would be killer weather for them as they are well under the overhangs and will not have heat problems. Good luck guys!!

El Cap Report 05/23/08

ElCap Report 5/23/08
By Tom Evans

Break out the Gortex, head for the Cafe, get the laundry done, catch up on your email... rain in the valley today but not steady. The Cap cleared off like the rats off the Titanic! The bridge was cold and damp today. Folks wandered through on the way to hiking loads to the base of the Cap. Good day for that! There was a team on the nose hauling to the top of Sickle. The other teams all bailed including the AAC belay testing unit. All down safely. All the teams near the top yesterday made the top and all are down save the Brits who are staying on Long ledge on the Salathe for some reason.

El Cap Report 05/22/08

Break out your jackets, gloves and a warm hat... we are living the varied weather patterns of Yosemite. The night was cold and the day was pretty chilly too. Funny how I almost died just a few days ago in the heat and today folks were bailing from the Captain because they were too cold. Let that be a lesson to you. Be ready for anything, at all times. It was really windy in the valley today and at the bridge too as the wind blew from the east as it rarely does here. I got down to the Bridge around 10:30 and did a sweep of the face to see who was up and who was down. So without further delay here it comes to you straight from Eric's, the construction foreman, pickup truck. The road opens at noon tomorrow.. let the traffic jam begin!

El Cap Report 05/21/08

I had a project in the morning and am sick this afternoon and just back from the clinic so I will not be able to get down to the bridge today. Hopefully tomorrow...
Weather broke today and it is very nice and cool.. rats just a few days too late for me. Did see PTPP at his digs a while ago and he is taking junk to SSPO.
Sorry no more... will try to finish my other "Walk of shame" post later...
Out of here…. TME

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